Can't Buy Me Love

Exs are often held in awe by present partners.They have their own mythos. They have been there before, know the lay of the land and as Dylan once sang 

“I forgot more than you'll ever know about her.

You think you know the smile on her lips

The thrill and the touch of her fingertips

But I forgot more than you'll ever know about her.

You think you'll find heaven of bliss

In each caress, in each tender kiss

But I forgot more than you'll ever know about her.

You stole her love from me one day

You didn't care, oh, it hurt me

But you can never steal away memories of what used to be.

You think she's yours, to have and to hold

Someday you'll learn, when her love grows cold

But I forgot more than you'll ever know about her.”

It’s daunting, knowing that someone was in your place, understanding your partner, the intimacy, foibles, the emotional and physical cartography.

We’ve all been there, the concern that she/he will go back to them, return to the comfort of the familiar. We measure ourselves against them. How do we measure up. Are we good enough. When the ex is rich, a millionaire, other insecurities come into play. How can I give her/him what he/she gave her/him. Am I a lesser person because I cannot giver her/him what they are used to, desire, want. It was something that plagued me, until yesterday. Yesterday I realised that this particular ex, was a dick.

He couldn’t let go. He hounded her, trying to weasel his way back into her affections, and when that did not work, began to issue threats. Millionaire or no millionaire there are limits. Some simply cannot understand that money cannot buy love, as the Beatles sang. But they try. He was like a poor rich kid whose favourite toy had been taken away. He stomped and raged in anger. It had not happened before, how could his money not buy him what he wanted. It was beyond his reasoning capacity. More threats, this time against me. Our marriage was a fake and I a conman. Cutting words surely, but his blade was dulled by his anger. He was a spent force and I knew it.

The upshot of this particular ex’s remonstrations was that he demystified himself. He tore away the curtain behind which ex’s hide, and revealed a not very nice individual behind. He blew away all those doubts and left me feeling sorry for him. He was unable to move on. Even with his riches, he was just some sad lonely guy trying to cling onto someone already gone. 

When his anger subsides, if it ever does, perhaps he might reflect and understand why that particular relationship failed. People need time, care, comfort. People need their partner to be there physically for them, to hold them when times are rough, not at the end of a phone/laptop/tablet. You have to make time for people, not push them aside while you transact your business, not sit on the edge of the midnight bed calling Canada, Dubai etcetera while your partner looks on. Throwing money at emotion starved partners simply does not work in the long term.

It is sad that some people cannot understand that riches can also make them poor, in human terms. Better to spend your life accruing a better understanding of others, their needs, wants and yes desires too, than to pile your gold. Good deeds last longer than money. Money simply cannot buy love.....

Say you don't need no diamond rings

And I'll be satisfied

Tell me that you want the kind of things

That money just can't buy

I don't care too much for money

Money can't buy me love

Don't be concerned about their exs, it is you who they are with, and there is often a very good reason for that.