May 26th (2020)

 

May 26th
72 days here

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
(purported to be from that great wit Oscar Wilde)

I have been here for 72 days.

The time is 6.06am and I am just awake. Another day stretches before me to be filled.

Thailand extends its lock-down and curfew until the end of June.

I am busy working on the special issue of The Blue Lotus magazine when Kosal brings me lunch in the aluminum tray. I certainly am not expecting this and it brightens my day. The Khmer food is a simply delicious dish of meat and water spinach with Khmer rice and a cut chili and soy sauce accompaniment.

Coincidentally, I have just been contacted by my eldest daughter in England via WhatsApp, who is continuing to update me on family and news. So all in all it is  an agreeable lunch break.

I try to rest. There is so much drilling and sawing going on that rest is impossible, so I write this. There has also been a recurring squeaking sound like ancient electric wall fans, but I am unable to discern either what it is or where it is coming from.

6.14pm

I confess that I miss the occasional company. The young people here are absolutely delightful, but when talking with them I have to slow down and choose my words very carefully. It is my lack of Khmer that is the problem, I acknowledge that. My paucity and inability to digest other than a few scraps of other languages.

"When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.” (Tennessee Williams, Camino Real)

I love that quote, but that doesn't quite work for me.

While I have never had much problem with being alone I also, on occasions, like to talk with others. Though, to be quite honest, these days I find myself feeling lonely rather than alone. Not just here either, but generally. You can feel alone in a crowd, or single when married.

I have read that this is a disconnect. It stems from not being with the right people, those one can relax with, feel safe with and at the same level as. Though (I hope) friendly, I am certainly not a terribly gregarious party goer. I have been known to get intoxicated and let down what is left of my hair, funny enough mostly in China, but those incidences are the exception rather than the rule. But, right now, I miss a certain someone's company and it does seem strange to go to Georges alone. According to the website “The Flavors Of Georges home From Reunion Island combined with French and Asian influences create new twists on classic dishes,while remaining an authentic expression of Creole Fusion Cuisine.” And I cannot, or is that will not, disagree with that. In better times Georges is certainly my go to place for good or should I say ‘Fine’ dining.

8.16pm
I am back at Colors of Cambodia.

At Georges I had ‘Bruschetta with goat's cheese’ for an appetizer, accompanied by a cheeky little glass of Cape something or other Rose. The main course was ‘Sweet Cambodian Prawn’ (prawns with palm sugar) and a cone of rice, accompanied by a rattan woven tray containing two small glass jars, one with red chili paste, the other green chili paste. For dessert I chose ‘Banane Flambé’ flamed with rum, accompanied by ice cream covered with cream, and sprinkles.

It was a wonderful meal. I wholeheartedly thank Fevrier and Georges for giving me this experience, gratis but, when looking at the empty chair opposite me, it reminded me of being alone, of being solo in Cambodia, and it took the sparkle right out of what should've been a highlight of my trip.