May 9th (2020)

 

May 9th
I am awake at 7am. When I say awake, I mean conscious, bleary eyes desperately trying to open and focus, brain still doused with sleep but trying and I really do mean trying to be awake.

I am forty minutes on Facebook, getting bored, wondering who all these people are, and where are my actual friends, before I realise, why? What the hell am I doing.

I'm a little disappointed that I didn't reach my word target yesterday. I was just too tired after the 'Project' to write more, and this morning I will have to prep for tonight's 'Project'.

Meanwhile it's now 07.47 am and I really do need to get up and go to the shower room. I grab the towel which was once white when I got here, but now is a washed off-white colour, somewhere between gray and light brown, my Batman child's toothbrush (don't ask) and the soap.

Showered. Breakfast is a banana sandwich accompanied by ‘Red’, and I am ready to begin yet another staying in day.

Judging by yesterday’s poor performance, my writing energies are running low, and my apathy level is getting higher. Each day as I wake I try hard to remember which day it is, and does it matter. Well, on Sundays, Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays yes it does matter. Sundays, despite my dwindling resources, I have allotted to pay back just a little of the kindness shown to me here. I cook on Sundays, for myself and for whoever is here. Tomorrow is going to be my version of the Italian ‘Raju’ or Bolognese Sauce. I say my version, because I have been looking at Spanish 'Sofrito’ too. This is because my dear friend (and Catalan hotelier) Ramon, posted on Facebook that his restaurant is now serving Sofito. It has got me thinking about combining Raju with Sofito. I’ll see what I can find tomorrow, if it’s not too much of a culinary crime, that is.

I have been reading more spiritual material. More especially 'How the Spiritual infused the Abstract,'
By Michael Brenson and 'The Anthroposophical Perspective on the Structure and Functioning of the Human Being' by Calypso Connolly. I, however remain sceptical, preferring a more psychological approach, but I am trying to understand this other viewpoint which includes Rudolf Steiner as well as Hindu philosophy and Buddhism. Though I do find this esoteric spiritual explanation of the world and man, difficult to grasp. 

I have spent most of today researching for tonight’s ‘Project’, finding interesting things to share and to work on. But in between times I have also been  working on an Asian short love story, polishing, tightening. This I’ll send off on Monday, and see what happens. As is so often the case, there is no money in it for me, just the pleasure of sharing my work.

Lunch is an avocado, cheese and tomato sandwich, which is quite tasty. Dinner is pot noodle (Myojo Mee Soto Ayam) with tomato, cucumber and two squares of plastic cheese. It’s okay. It keeps me alive. I look forward to a decent meal tomorrow, after a frantic shop for ingredients and two hours of cooking, that is.