May 28th (2020)

 

May 28th
74 days here

“So I sing for everyone who feels there's no way out
So maybe if you all shout someone will hear you
Listen to them shout”
(‘Shouting in a Bucket Blues’,Kevin Ayers, Bananamour,1973)

I awake at 6am having slept early. Somewhere around 9pm.

8.36am
I have washed myself, and the food tray from last night.

I walk through the nearest alley to Colors of Cambodia. This is where one Khmer family live, their children asleep in hammocks. I tread carefully and quietly so as not to disturb them. The mother smiles and I smile back.

I am out early to catch breakfast at Common Grounds before others get there. Eggs Benedict and large Flat White is the order of the day.

I’d started writing this the one other day at Common Grounds. It’s a chorus for a song that was never written.

The tragedy of it all
As the rain softly falls
Is that you’re so very beautiful
But I'm just old and poor

I have had a very interesting afternoon chat with my oldest daughter, and found out some things about my family that would make a good short story. It's interesting that all becomes revealed eventually. Time hides no secret for long. I recall "The Great Society" later to become "Jefferson Airplane"......

"When the truth is found to be lies
And all the joy within you dies"
(Somebody to love, The Great Society, 1968)

Having my daughter back in my life has made me very happy. It's plugged a gaping hole and helped me begin a fresh adventure - one into my own history, which is as convoluted as it gets.

"The beings of the mind are not of clay;

Essentially immortal, they create

And multiply in us a brighter ray

And more beloved existence: that which Fate

Prohibits to dull life, in this our state

Of mortal bondage, by these spirits supplied,

First exiles, then replaces what we hate;

Watering the heart whose early flowers have died,

And with a fresher growth replenishing the void."

(Lord Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage, 1812)

It would be ridiculous to bear ill will to people in the past. That time is gone. We move on with a different understanding and try to reduce our personal pain by accepting that the past cannot be changed, only understood. It is our future which lays itself open to change. Hopefully I can move forward with this new insight and comprehend better the complexities of life, living and loving.

This bloody app keeps crashing. It is so annoying.

Dinner will be a banana sandwich, with a nice cuppa tea. I don't recall having lunch. How bizarre. The trouble with buying bananas in this country is that they ripen very quickly, and have to be eaten within a couple of days. And bread doesn't last either, hence the banana sandwich.

Today's spend
Common Grounds…(Eggs Benedict and large Flat White)..$7.50

Thai Huot Market….(Chicken Egg Banana; Dasani Water; B.m.Gelee Caddis or Blackberry jam; Happy Cow Sliced Mozzarella Cheese; E & V Whole Milk)..$8.85

Total…$16.35