22nd March (2020)

 

22nd March

It’s Sunday.

My guardian angels are away for a couple of days.

Walking over to The Hideout I take a circuitous route, past the Angkor Hospital for Children, to the end of the road, turn left and left again then walk towards breakfast. I notice, that added to the general Siem Reap street debris, cigarette packets and cigarette ends et al, there is a multitude of discarded paper masks. It seems that this a symbol of the current age.

Budgeting continues to be troublesome. You will remember that I have allotted $20 to each day. But with breakfast (two slices of small toast, two rashers of streaky bacon, two sunny side eggs, what passes for a sausage in many parts of Asia, a very small tomato cut in half and cooked, and a small pot of Thai tea) $6.50 (it comes with a very small, practically minute, stainless steel jug of condensed milk which is actually probably creamer), and simple shopping (bottled water, juice carton containing carrot and mixed fruit, tissues, air freshener - because it’s a small room with no outside window, two cans of Schweppes Tonic Water because I am off Coca Cola just now) coming to $7.20, it only leaves $6.30 for lunch and dinner. Again I forgo lunch in favour of a descent dinner. It’s a damn good job that I no longer take tuk tuks, am not attached to alcohol, do not frequent prostitutes or smoke, otherwise........

A thought.

For some, and I being one, there always a tussle between how you are loved and how you want to be loved. Many are lucky and seem to very quickly reconcile the two, others continue to struggle. Perhaps it’s a glass half full, or a glass half empty. Maybe it’s all a matter of perception or understanding. Some people love to be cuddled, others think that a cuddle is merely a prelude to the real thing - fornication. 

There are those who need reminding of being loved, while others hold the other in their heart, but not in their mind. It’s Mars and Venus, cats and dogs, emotional intelligence, but it’s also nature and nurture. You will of course know that we are Primarily Socialised, that is learn from an early age in our families. We learn the rules, the culture of our families long before we step into the outside world. Some families give obvious displays of affection, cuddling being one, kissing hello and goodbye another. In other families obvious displays of affection are very much frowned upon. It is difficult to reconcile the two approaches. Unlearning takes a lot longer as it is much more difficult than learning.

While one partner glances at Facebook’s Private Messaging app. for news of the other, or simply a warm hello. Another does not. Like a cat frequently shoed from a lap, one will wonder what they had done, or not done. The other will not have that thought at all. Talking it through might help but, frequently, cultural habits developed over several decades are difficult to break, even if there is a will to do so. End of sermon