May 5th (2020)

 

May 5th
I have been here 49 days.

Today is the 125th day of the year in the Gregorian calendar. 240 days remain until the end of the year. This day marks the approximate midpoint of spring in the Northern Hemisphere and of autumn in the Southern Hemisphere.

I desperately try to remember this…..

“And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

          The Desiderata (that which is desired) By Max Ehrmann © 1927

I am late awakening today, showering and late getting here to write. It would have helped if I hadn’t dropped, and broken, my iPad Air, but such is life.

9.30am
I am still blur.

Last night I was a bit emotional when listening to George Harrison and John Lennon songs on Youtube. Both artists are, sadly, now departed. Being away from my home, for so long, sits at the side of my consciousness like a badly fitting hat. At times I am lucky to be able to ignore that, other times not so. Intellectually, I understand about the ‘no-longer-happening’ (’das-pa or the past), but internalising this is not so easy.

Thich Nhat Hanh says  “Abandoned, alone, you get lost you get carried away” (in Cultivating Mindfulness in the Context of a Sangha, 1998). Furthermore…”You embrace your pain tenderly, you recognise it, you don’t try to suppress it. "Oh, my dear little pain, I know you are there. I am here for you, I will take good care of you." Mindfulness is strong in order to do the job. Your fear or your anger will go down after a moment, and become a little bit less important. Every time your pain is bathed in mindfulness, it will lose a little bit of its strength. If you practice you will see that. And the next time it comes up again, you do the same thing. "Hello, my pain, hello there, my despair; I know you are there. I am here, ready to be available for you." And you embrace it tenderly, in walking meditation, in sitting meditation, in mindful breathing. But you need to have this energy in order to do the job, and this energy is to be cultivated by the practice of mindfulness” (ibid)

I’ve struggled with Facebook, trying to post yesterday’s diary entry with an image. For two days now there have been issues about the images with the text. Today, an added mystery, inasmuch as Facebook told me that I couldn't ‘share’ from my ‘News feed’ to my ‘Page’ as I didn’t have permission. There have been many such incidents over the past few days, and I can only assume that their regular maintenance is not as regular as it was.

I drink ‘Red’ and look longingly at the two pots of Dutchie yogurt beside me.

Today my mind and body are tired. I delay going out because of this.

I also have a mild headache, again.

It is odd, is it not, that last March (2019) I was in Dhaka, Bangladesh, researching for my latest book concerning Dr. Farida Zaman (published last December), this March I am in Cambodia writing this. Where shall I be next March, I wonder.

Lunchtime beckons, pot noodle, with cucumber and tomato, again I think.

I am so glad now to be using Google Docs. It really does make sense. I can, as today, start on one device and follow through on another, providing that I have an internet connection of course. It took a mini disaster, ie the breaking of my iPad Air, to make me change. This is so much more convenient.

Dinner, pot noodle, with cucumber, tomato and cheddar cheese (real not plastic).

I have not seen, quite literally, another human being today other than on YouTube (does Trevor Noah count?) until just now, that is about 8.30pm..