We the Undersigned (2009)

Respond to Mr Patrick Teoh

We the Undersigned have read Mr Patrick Teoh’s recent column entitled National Intelligence, in your monthly magazine, with due consideration and much concern.

While we concur that Mr Teoh has the inalienable right to an opinion which he may, or may not, consider to be his own, and technically has the right to espouse his philosophies, and, that Off The Edge (off the edge of what may I enquire) has technically every right to publish these ramblings and lay the very soul of Mr Teoh bare to the reading public, We the Undersigned feel that an official response is in order.

While we should not care to disabuse Mr Teoh of his assertions of stupidity, or feelings of being ‘bodoh’, which he has every right to feel and assert should he feel the need to, these are not the views of We the Undersigned. In fact We the Undersigned believe that Mr Teoh has been a little disingenuous, and maybe even a tad mischievous in his assertions and assumptions.

Taking Mr Teoh’s points as he has raised them….

It was only right and proper for certain sectors, whom We the Undersigned may, or may not support, promote or otherwise liaise with, in these matters, call for a ban and boycott of goods and services from the neo-imperialist USA. Naturally we, being the undersigned, must endeavour to be in a position of monitoring the bad as well as the good from countries such as the USA. Hence it is an onerous and odious task to continue using those very same goods and services mentioned by Mr Teoh.

It is for the good of the country, and therefore of the very people themselves that we determine the crassness and inappropriateness of these goods and services hailing from the USA - by using them.

On this very same note that We the Undersigned monitor, and stoically endure, the blatant pornography entering this country. We the Undersigned are tasked with arduously wading through gruelling hours of the most hardcore pornography, drinking gallons of gaseous caffeinated soft drink and consuming copious amounts of sweetened popped corn in the process. We the Undersigned must endure this for our love of country and to protect its citizens from lewdness.

In reply to Mr Teoh’s assertions that there is selectivity in the process of allowances for protests and demonstrations, we say yes, guilty as charged.

Of course there has to be selectivity, we cannot allow just anyone to protest or demonstrate, that would end in anarchy and total chaos. No, it is better that dissenters be discouraged from flocking to the streets, therefore saving on water bills for the water cannon and saving the tax payer money. It is better therefore only to allow the forces of order permission to demonstrate and protest, and only then in full agreement with We the Undersigned.

Mr Teaoh alludes to the appropriate usage of naming, misnaming, use and abusage of the name, title, moniker or indicator of The One, or many, true, or not so true, God, or gods. On this matter We the Undersigned must take a backseat. This question shall be answered in its fullest by those authorities invested to do so at the appropriate time and therefore will be answered, or not as the case may be, on the day of judgement – or not.

In addressing Mr Teoh’s very concerning issue of fault, We the Undersigned can only re-iterated that it is quite plainly obvious that yes it is YOUR fault. You the rakyat, the people, vote for your representatives on a regular basis and have done so now for over 50 years, therefore who else is to blame? If you didn’t believe in the actions and policies of those you have voted in, why vote for them over and over again.

Mr Teoh is entirely right in his assertion that this is the Chinese year of the Ox, and in recognition of this joyous occasion, and the suspected onslaught of fresh effluence in the coming year, We the Undersigned will give each and every man, woman and child their very own shovel.

These shovels, graciously donated to the general public by your humble servants - We the Undersigned, are totally and absolutely free and will enable each member of the public to clear his or her own path of bovine effluence as it occurs.

Ps Taxes may have to be increased to pay for the free shovels.

Signed by

We the Undersigned.